Archive for August, 2012

The Who?

Who the f**k are the Rascal Flatts?

This is how the questions present themselves in my mind…colorful language and all.  And this was the question of the day last Thursday when I learned about what I’d be working on the next night.  I asked Sue this question later in the day, likely word for word.  A country band, I learned.  “Country and western, or just country?” I ask.  This is usually when I lose her interest.

Unsatisfied, I turned to the WWW.  Turns out, they did the song: Life Is A Highway.  Oh, okay.  I know that one.  “Life is a highway, I wanna ride it all night long!”  Except, they didn’t do Life Is A Highway.  Tom Cochrane did Life Is A Highway 20 years ago.  These guys covered the song for a movie about cartoon cars that could talk.  So wait.  Who the f**k are the Rascal Flatts?  YouTube to the rescue.  Let’s see here…what Rascal Flatts song have I heard?  Better, what Rascal Flatts song has everybody heard?  Wow, 22 million views for…wait for it…Life Is A Highway.  Fail.  Next.  Okay, 12 million views for: What Hurts The Most.  Okay.  It’s on.

With that, I sat still for 3 minutes watching a 5 minute country music video that started with daddy/daughter drama the likes of which immediately and permanently damaged any confidence I had in dealing with my own daughters.  Female tears, female anger and female screaming.  Together, these things equal an elevation of the Mike Anzaldi Defense Readiness Condition.  That’s right.  The relative peace and quiet of DEFCON 5 was abandoned and replaced with the far more serious, DEFCON 4.  A level of readiness that is equal to 1 more…or 1 less, numerically speaking.  “You did this!  You made him leave!  I hate you!”  This was serious, and this was just the beginning.  All I could do was remind myself that this was a YouTube video and that I had nothing to do with this female’s behavior.

After all, I’m just trying to figure out who the f**k the Rascal Flatts are!  I’m nearly a minute into the song and there is no song yet.  Just before my mouse automagically Ouija-boards its way to the ‘make-it-stop!’ button, the music portion of the presentation begins.  So close, but now it’s beginning to look a bit more like a country music video.  A random dude with a guitar walking down the middle of a deserted highway.  Another random dude standing around moving his lips, but otherwise doing zero.  A third guy with a bass, hanging out in a vast, open field.  All symbolic of something that is quite beyond me.  Seems like a classic tale of love and loss, but I thought it best to check the YouTube comment section for the real story.

“In the beginning I had no idea what was going on but I cried anyways.” says YouTube user ImJustLaurel

Perhaps for different reasons, but me too, Laurel.  Me too.

So much for the YouTube community offering critical assistance.  My own observations indicate that the boyfriend shared some clouded vision of a future with the daughter.  The daughter, age 17, seduced by the boyfriend’s lame and unconvincing commitment, became drunk with the hope of a happily-ever-after-type situation.  The father and head-male-in-charge of all household affairs threatened the boyfriend with concrete shoes.  Shortly after, the boyfriend is killed at the wheel of an old Ford pick-up.  Whether stress caused the loss of vehicle control, or the old man planted a car bomb, the result is the same.  A daughter that’s super-fly pissed-off with dad’s policy initiatives.  To further muddle the picture, there is a scene of the daughter kneeling in front of the toilet in the bathroom.  Stress puke?  Morning sickness?  Bad corn dog?  Totally unexplained.

Here it is, in case you’re interested in solving for yourself:

Whatever the case, after all of this research, I have come to the conclusion that I have no idea who the f**k the Rascal Flatts are.  But this at least what they look like while playing a private party…


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