Archive for June, 2011


Ten solid minutes of drama rolled through our area last evening, very nearly compromising our television viewing.  As storms are, this one too was choosy over who would be left with electricity service, and who wouldn’t.  We skillfully maintained our full, electric-backed lifestyle, while the neighbors across the street were reduced to candlelight.

Dudes with gas-powered saws and bulldozers turned up to save the world.


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I recently visited a professional nutritionista.  You might check me on that word, but I’m pretty sure I’ve got it correct.  It’s a person who’s devoted to human nutrition.  After some pixie dust and a once over with a wand, the Dr presented data suggesting an unlikely, but potentially devastating betrayal.  It was true, and it was time.  It had been discovered that a long-time ally and all-around good guy was stealing from the family.  Once an integral part of daily operations, corn is now out.  I know, right?  Fucking corn.

What’s this mean?  Well, first of all, it means I agreed to sit in one spot for 30 minutes all in a row while a Dr performed a computerized stress assessment of my vital systems as they relate to 10,000 different types of foods…or something.  Secondly, it means I shouldn’t really eat what I’ve been eating for the last 30 or so years.  The problem there is that I happen to very much enjoy those little sleeves of apple pie that the McDonald’s hamburger joint serves up.  WTF am I going to do about that?  I also enjoy the taste of the hamburgers they have.  And Coke.  So right out of the gate, I have to cross the McDonald’s Corn Festival off the list.  A HUGE blow.  But, being the urban warrior I obviously am, I’m willing to wage a bloody battle on just about anything, any time.  I have a shoot first, ask questions later plan in effect in most health related issues.  The suspect was eliminated and daily health almost immediately improved.

So now that that’s settled, the question is how to totally eradicate the evil plant.

I took an exploratory drive around the fields west of Aurora in Kendall County yesterday.  It’s important to understand that the enemy in this case has numbers.  Eliminating all these plants will be a huge undertaking.  It’s going to require technology.  And aircraft.  Maybe some gasoline.  I like the idea of fire.  I feel like fire would inflict the least amount of damage to the fields themselves.  I understand that the air pollution created by burning all the corn down to the ground could raise a few eyebrows, but listen…they are putting corn syrup in the bread, man.  The bread.  We have to pick our battles.  I say burn the fields.  The dirty smoke will rise high into the atmosphere, harmlessly, with the rest of the pollution.  Then Wonder will simply make bread with real sugar.

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And just like that, it’s lake-going vehicle season.

Love me some lake vehicles.  I’m especially fond of those that have gasoline motors attached to them, though I’m not at all opposed to sailing vessels.  Row boats are acceptable when the two previous mentioned craft are unavailable.

Another guy that appreciates the need to drive around on the surface of water is some dude named Randy.  Randy, his daughter and a handful of other cats hang out in a small shop outside Williams Bay, Wisconsin.  They build wood boats.  Ones whose coolness factor is obscene.  We stopped in to the shop a few weeks back to see what’s what with Randy.  You wouldn’t know that the nation’s oldest wooden boat maker was headquartered at the end of a gravel driveway, behind a small house on County Road F near Lake Geneva.  There was nothing outside to indicate that excellent things in the area of wood were in progress on the property.  Had the fields that surround Randy’s home and workshop been full of corn, I’d have driven right past.  In fact, without the corn, I drove right past.  With the corn, I’d still be looking.

Randy Streblow only builds one boat per year these days.  Seems like most of his time is spent maintaining or restoring old Streblows.  That’s what I got to see on my visit.  Half a dozen old mahogany Strebs getting new varnish or redesigned interiors.  Super cool.

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