Archive for June, 2010

Sit this man anywhere he wants.  Rock-star parking?  Yours.  Keys to the city?  Yep.  They’re cutting you a set as we speak- though I have always been curious what those keys actually open.  But whatever it is, I’m all for allowing Rocky access.

The only disservice the next generation Wirtz has done in this remarkable effort to bring the Cup to Chicago is to shine an even brighter and more proper light on the incompetence of his father.

The city thanks you for so quickly tidying up the mess left by Dollar Bill.

I’ve posted 10 of my favorites from the parade here:



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Come on WLS-TV.  I mean, really?

Are you folks really still filling up at London-based British Petroleum?  Perhaps the local ABC affiliate missed the last 6 weeks of World News Tonight, but currently, a BP-owned drill pipe is in its 43rd day of uncontrolled defiance, spewing unfathomable amounts of liquid gold into the ocean, into the coastal wetlands, onto the beaches and into the gills of whatever happens to swim by.  Fishing, done.  Tourism, done.  Eco-system, compromised.  Spill volunteers, sick.  All bad things.  While these stories continually lead all newscasts worldwide, WLS continues to send their fleet of news vans to BP.  Hey, if BP ever needed a little love from consumers, today would be the day.  Plus, they already have fleet cards.  It would be an inconvenience.

That being said, I’m not without sympathy for BP.  It’s not like they wanted this to happen.  It’s bad luck.  The f**king thing broke.  Drilling for oil is, apparently, a high-risk business.  Seeing that oil is still (and will likely always be) totally necessary, it’s difficult to completely write the entire outfit off as a bunch of criminal buffoons.  Additionally, I happen to like oil.  Don’t worry- nobody is more sorry about this than me.  I should specify…I like internal combustion motors.  Find me an alternative to oil to make those work and I will sign my divorce papers with the slippery gravy today.  Oil isn’t going anywhere, however.  There’s an abundance of it, and it’s cheap.  We will continue to search for and recover the resource until it’s all gone.  150 years of invention and innovation can’t be replaced by extension cords.

Oil exploration is high-risk, high-reward for everybody.  We’ve seen what can go wrong quite a few times now.  I have to believe that the twit that drove the Valdez oil boat into shallow water is feeling a little better about himself.  His oil spill was a drop in this latest spills bucket.  He will no doubt launch a media blitz explaining how he should no longer be considered the biggest asshole in the oil industry.  Indeed, my friend.  With BP CEO, Tony Hayward, running his mouth about how the current spill is “relatively small” (when you consider the ocean’s size), and that he “would like his life back”, we have a new winner.

You, Tony Hayward, are now the leading asshole in the oil industry.

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